Insan bernama Teman

Hati ini
Semakin lama semakin jauh dari kau
Tidak ku pasti samada 
Kau yang menjauh 
Atau aku


Hati ini
Semakin sepi kau tinggalkan 
Tidak ku pasti samada
Kau sengaja 
Atau aku sengaja


Hati ini
Tiada titik tolak lagi ku rasakan 
Kau dan aku bukan lagi pasangan yang pasti 
Tidak ku pasti samada 
Ini kehendak kau 
Atau sudah suratan 


Langkah demi langkah 
Kita daki bersama 
Jatuh terluka kau sambut tanganku 
Terima kasih atas kesakitan 
Yang telah kau berikan 
Tidak ku pasti samada 
Ini luka yang setimpal 
Atau kebencian kau pada aku 


Air mata menjadi permata 
Kebencian menjadi nyata 
Ini lah hidup di dalam dunia
Bersendirian 


Selamat tinggal kasih sayang 
Terima kasih atas pengalaman 
Yang kau berikan 


Kerana kau yang ku damba 
Insan yang bernama TEMAN


#tears

Terima Kasih, heart.

Life is hard. 'Tough' is better. These days, I got lost with my new world. Being a Perwakilan Pelajar is not really a good thing. Indah khabar dari rupa. I found that standing in this pose, it makes me a different Khairun. I am totally not the same person. B Personally, I have changed a lot which me myself couldn't recognize myself. I am trying my best to be a better person, which makes me change from one part to another part. 

Just finishing with the Minggu Pengurusan Pelajar KPLI. Tiring and stressing. I have no time for my friends and for my class. And even not for myself. Somehow, I really feel bad for this situation. People start to call me 'sombong' which is not. People start to give me annoyed entitle and when I start to ignore that silly jokes, they tend to call me 'berlagak', which is also a big no no for me. 

Dear People, I am who I am. Yes, I have changed. It is not because I am a JPP today that makes me changed, but trust me, responsibility do make you a matured person. Nobody loves to be called 'sombong' which is which like you are being called a peacock. Heh.

Do stand in my shoes, and then you will know how's that feeling. Trust me. 

#Cahya Surfiqah

Dear buah hati

How're you doing these days? Urm, I mean, since the last time we met. Haha, which is berkurun yang lalu. I just hope that you're doing great there, physically and mentally. I created this post especially for you whom I love the most too. Knowing you is one of the greatest moment in my almost 20 years' life. It was quite tough before; at time when we still try to be in each other's heart, and at last, we couldn't. Remember? Haha, yeah to make friends  is easy, but to keep them, it isn't. And, to have friends here and there can be delight, but to have one at your side (in need and indeed). Same goes to you and me. Kan kan :') We have passed our straitened time years ago. And praised be to Allah, that He allow us to go through that level dengan jayanya. It do take time. A year, 3, or 5 years. Yet, it still worth enough, to love and to be loved by person whom we love the most. 

You are fair enough to love your friends that much, as well as you love your family. Believe me, you gonna hurt yourself one day. Whoever that friend of yours that you've been telling me, I believe she isn't bad. Betul tak? It's just that you love her badly that you couldn't accept to be hurt by her. I have feel it before. And I know, whatever it is, she still has no intention to hurt you. Or to annoy you. Annoy? Hahaha, kasar rasa bunyinya ;p 

Sayang, be strong and stand firm for yourself. Please remind yourself that you have me to ask for a shoulder. And, Allah is here to lighten you for whatever burden you have. Do take care of yourself. I'll pray for your happiness and secure each seconds. InsyAllah. 

Love,

khai comel :')

A Happy Ending.

Firstly, Alhamdulillah. Nothing much to be said now. It's all in here (heart). How relieve m i, can be read through my eye; and my smile as well. Praised be to Hi, (Allah), for His willingness to still give me successes even I'm hardly obey Him. I take it positively that He might still wanna give me chances to see His mighty. And alhamdulillah, I know that I am nobody without Him. Thank you Allah. Actually, when the result web was on, and waited for me to surf it, I was like 'should I?' or 'shouldn't I?'. I was shacking all over the body. And at that time my parent were sleeping just beside me. I just afraid that if I failed that exam, how was I supposed to tell them. It is not easy at all. 'Mak, abah, I FAILED' with the disappointing face :'(. Is it that? Arghh. Just imagine it. But, at last. I woke up my mom, and said 'Mak, Alhamdulillah' sambil tunjuk my laptop yang I dah paparkan terus result tu. Eheh, alhamdulillah again.

Secondly, I am thankful that I can't expressed it through words for my lecturers' helps that actually are the main reason why I can stand here strongly. During the exam time, I was likely an angel who was just sweet-tempered. hehe. Smile there, smile here. Just to make sure that people (especially my lecturers) to not hate to see my face. At least sejuk hati looking at me will be enough. Their pray are my key of success.

Thirdly, my parent whom I think is the best parent ever in this world. Hehe of courselah kan, cause they are mine. kan kan. Hehe. They stay at my side whenever I feel like 'Oh, what if I fail, mom?' and 'Abah, do you still love me even if I fail the exam?'. Haha, terrible betul.

And, that's how my wait ended.
Pass or Fail is a matter for me. It really determines my future. And, here I am. Alhamdulillah, again and again.

:')

*This post is put here to remind me of the feeling, so that I will work harder next time. InsyAllah. Bye.

Hoping.

I'm just doing well at home. doing all the house chores up and downstairs, in and outside the house. yeahh somehow it really makes me wondered is this how my mom felt raising up her 4 children, working and home-keeping all days. one word is; tired. yep, it's tiring b'cause the work is never having any happy ending. eheh.
Currently waiting for the final result. I'm quite nervous. Not 'quite', it is 'really' actually. I pray for the best. Just one thing, dear Allah, if the success isn't mean for me, then please make me strong enough to face and it. please ya Allah.

promise.

i promised him that one day, i'll let him read my blog and be the second admin. which means soon after he be the second admin, my blog will be privatize to me and him only. therefore, he will be able to read how my feeling to him being expressed on a piece of paper.

lately, i am really obsess with my love story. hehe. i miss you badly.

YOU.

I love you. And forever will do. Even distance make us far apart, I just hope that our heart will never fail to connect to each other. I really hope that you and I will forever be together. I pray. InsyAllah. 

p/s: One day, if anything happen to me, i just hope that this post will remind me of you. That, I have someone who I love deeply, and he is YOU. 

NZ

Dear Allah.

Dear Allah. I had fought a lot these few days for my exam. I had put huge effort on it. Just to make sure that i'm not the failure one. I have been quite kind these days. With my willingness, just to ensure your bless to me. I'm counting on my days. I'm waiting for the result for which i am stand for. A failure or a winner. Nothing much that i could ask for. I'm just asking for my future to be successful as the others. I know that i'm not your obedient servant. But, yet i still believe that you will never disappointing your servant. And that is why i keep praying and asking for my future. I believe; there's NO in each of my pray, it'll only be "YES, this is the best for you" or "YES, but not for this timing. I'll reserve something better for you." Ouch, how kind Allah is to us and to me as well. Wallahualam. And last, dear Allah, thank you for being at my side, in my soul, and along my journey for all this timing. I am really nobody without you. Thank you Allah. Please serve the best for me, while i'll keep my promise to be a good servant to you. Please ya Allah. Please.

Wordless #2

tears of heart.

I knew. We can't be close earlier. I knew it. But if I knew earliest that our 'close' relationship will end like this, I won't be close to u. It's hurt. Having u next to me physically not emotionally. Watching u play this and that, laugh endless and share things with others, while ignoring me at the same time, is not a good thing to be done to a non-heartless girl like me. If u could know how much had u hurt me. I am very sensitive with all of your action. I am very particular with each of your appreciation towards me. I haven't left anything yet. But, who knows what is inside your heart. Where's my wrong. How could u ignored me after what had we gone trough together all this while. I wish to have u again. I wish to be the first to know your feelings, your anger, your sadness. I wish to be at your side whenever u need someone. I wish to have u whenever I need someone too. I wonder if u could know how many things I wish to get again from u; just like usual. I wonder. 

I cry. And I wipe it. So that you won't see it. 

RINDU.

Rindu
Tak terungkap dek kata
Tak terluah dek lidah
Tak tertulis dek jari


Bukan senyum yang jadi penyeri
Air mata peneman hari
Resah mengisi diri
Sepi di sana sini


Andai hari ini kita tak berjumpa
Aku pasti
Esok pasti menanti


Siapa pun boleh rindu
Tapi aku punya rindu

:'( 

Tak siapa pun tahu. NZ

i wish i am heartless.

these few days, seems to be so tough to me. i am not as strong as what my appearance showed. people hurt me. or might be i'm being too sensitive. its hard for me to reach people in a good manner. currently, my words hurt other feelings. people hurt me, and i do hurt people in other way. it seems fair enough to the 'hukum karma'. unfortunately, it doesnt fair even a little bit to me. i am not strong like them. friends, who i believed to be my dearies true friends, could never be. i lost my trust to people who i love. people tried to be good to me when they were not. people said i did things when i didn't. oh God, did i do wrong to you? please, please listen to my heart's tears. i've no one except you, the mercy one, Ya Allah. i couldn't afford to carry this burdens anymore. it hurts me so much. it really hurts me :'( am i looked strong enough for u to play around my heart with? am i? haven't u satisfied enough to look my tears flowed non-stop. hm, is this what you want? if it is, then you are succeed to make feel down to the earth. i know i am nobody to you, but please let me go. stop hurting me. please. please :'( 

let's be stranger.

Cinta

hati tak pernah tipu 
kalau A katanya, maka A lah
tapi tewas atau tidak hati itu
bergantung pula pada siapa di hati itu
saat ini 
Allah s.w.t memenangi undi majoriti 
di hati ini


letih tidak terkata dengan hati ini
kadang dia tenang 
kadang dia resah
tak pernah sekali pun dia kukuh


mungkin dia takut untuk percaya
mungkin dia takut untuk berdiri 
mungkin juga dia takut akan kecundang lagi


bersabarlah duhai hati 
bukan cinta manusia yang kau wajar dambakan 
kau tahu, kan
cinta siapa yang kau patut damba


"Aku tahu" kata hati yang terluka itu.

suatu pernah.

habis sudah madah;
tak ada satu pun yang tertinggal,
setiapnya telah—
kau ambil dan terus kau jual.

seolah tak pernah memakna apa,
seolah tak pernah kau inginkannya,
seolah—
tak pernah...

dikutipku bila sudi,
di bila tidak, dibiar mati,
dan lebih menyakitkan—
ku tetap tunggu di tepi jalan.

seperti tak pernah ku ada harga,
seperti tak pernah kita bersama,
seperti tak pernah kau mahu aku,
--tak pernah rindu
--tak pernah rayu
--dulu.

terleburhancur kebal rusukku;
berkecaisepai, terpecahbelah,
terima kasih atas ajarmu—
--cinta tak wujud
--ah, tak pernah.

dan dengarkan jeritku;
jujur tak terfitnah,
kau hanya bagiku—
suatu yang pernah.

takkan ada apa—
yang mampu untuk buat kau pulang,
bila sudah tiada rasa—
bikinlah apa, tetap kau terbang.

takkanku pujuk kau jangan pergi,
takkan ku minta kau fikir lagi,
takkan ku paksa renung semula,
takkan ku suruh apa2.

takkan ku izin tubuh dibuka,
takkan ku pamer reput di dada,
takkan ku rebah,
takkan ku goyah,
takkan ku biar tubuh didarah.

Kosong

Kosong

Segala-galanya tampak kosong

Kasih yang didamba tak kunjung juga

Ah! Janji si arjuna, tak pernah tertunai

Titipan angin rindu tak kesampaian 

Bukan apa

Kawan entah ke mana, Kekasih jauh di sana

Kau sendiri lagi

Bersama jiwa yang kosong

Pada Yang Maha Esa jua akhirnya

Tempat kau bersujud

Tundukkan rasa hati

Pasti ada kelapangan yang kau akan rasa

Sabarlah duhai hati

Bersabarlah

berat badan

kalau lah kurus 

mesti semua orang sayang

kalau lah kurus

mesti ramai orang tertarik

kalau lah kurus

boleh pakai baju lawa lawa

kalau lah kurus

pakai apa pun cantik

kalau lah kurus

pakai skirt tak comel pun orang puji

kalau lah kurus

tak perlu susah susah cari butik XXXXL

kalau lah kurus

tak pandang pada diet semata

kalau lah kurus

boleh masuk lumba lari 400m

kalau lah kurus

macam macam boleh dibuat.

KALAULAH.

tapi kalau semua orang kurus, siapa akan jadi yang gemuk? 

kalau lah kurus :'(

 

 

Rintihan hati si gemuk yang cemburu melihat si kurus memakai jacket.

Wordless #1.

Ai Lev Yu. Wo Ai Ni. 

#cinta

Aku punya manja kau saja boleh rasa. Aku lagi kenal dia. 

bercinta.

mood: baru lepas tengok blog orang lain. 


blogger yang sangat lawa dan super duper model. then, i noticed blog pakwe dia pulak. i am really atracted to how she and her boyfriend communicated through blog. HAHA sangat comel. meluahkan perasaan di blog, and if the bf read it, he will reply through his blog pulak by writing entry and touchy touchy habis.
si makwe dan si pakwe . HAHA, sort of having a fantasy on my love-to-be ;D


but sometimes, i wonder, when is my turn. berbalas balas entry di blog. mesti comel, kan! hehe. 
*mengelamun aje

macam ni, boleh? HEHE

NZ.